A new movement is on the horizon to do away
with the current divorce laws in many states which allow for "no
fault" divorce. This new proposed legislation
(introduced in several states during the past few months) is
designed to make divorce harder by forcing divorcing parents, with
minor children, to litigate and prove fault before a divorce can be
granted. Some legislators, mindful of public
relations, disguise this attempt by calling it "divorce reform".
In reality what this is attempting to do is force people to
stay married. Their rationalization is based on
the belief that divorce causes problems in children and therefore if
adults are not allowed to divorce or, if divorce is made very
difficult to accomplish, people will stay married and children will
be the beneficiaries of this legislation.
On paper this concept may look good.
However, as a family law attorney, practicing for over
twenty-two years, I can tell you that advocates of doing away with
"no fault" and making divorce harder to achieve only creates a more
acrimonious and volatile relationship between parents which
invariably hurts their children even more.
"Divorces are not
sought by people because "no fault" makes it
easier."
by Richard S. Victor
|
Just think about it. Divorces are not
sought by people because "no fault" makes it easier.
In fact, divorce is a very difficult remedy
sought by one or both adults who have found that because of
interpersonal relationship breakdowns or betrayals, abuse, etc.,
their marriage relationship disintegrated.
Divorce is a remedy to that breakdown, not the cause.
Proponents of this new "divorce reform" legislation have
asked state legislators to pass laws forcing a husband and wife to
battle each other in court, to prove that one, or the other, was at
fault because of serious misconduct before a divorce can be granted
by the court. This would mean that a mother or
father would have to hire an
attorney, private
investi- gators, etc., to "dig up the dirt" and air thedirty laundry
of a family in order to win their case.
Invariably, this would require one of the parties, or both, to
effectively destroy the other, through the court system, in order to
prevail. Once this is accomplished, both
parties, if they have minor children, would have to go back to work
and mend their differences in order to properly parent their
children.
That is an impossible task!
The costs associated with litigating fault divorces (both emotional
and financial) would effectively destroy any trust or civility which
otherwise would have occurred between two adults, who must parent
the same children. The children will be far
greater victims of these "divorce reform" laws because the rules
would be that a family has to be destroyed, in open court, before it
can move on.
Although these laws reflect and reinforce certain political
and religious philosophies regarding the sanctity of marriage, they
do little to deal with the reality of the American Family as it
exists today.
As much as we may want to, we will never be able to legislate
morality. Marriages break down not because the
divorce laws are easy but, rather, because of conflicting
interpersonal relationships between people who live in a most
complicated and difficult society. Adults today
face pressures unheard of in generations past.
Deciding to divorce, especially when there are young children
involved, is never easy. People who make the
ultimate decision to divorce, have usually thought long and hard
about all of the alternatives available and only choose divorce when
no other remedy is palatable in view of the facts and circumstances
of an individual's own case.
Instead of making divorce laws harder, which will only line
the coffers of divorce lawyers, private investigators, and other
individuals, who will be forced to "dig up the dirt" on one spouse
or the other, we should use our energies to help families who are
going through these emotional conflicts and difficulties which face
the American Family today. This may not stop the
divorce, which ultimately would be inevitable because of the
interpersonal relationships between the adults, but it can help
parents going through the divorce help themselves and their children
during the process and for the years which follow the divorce.
As a former Chairperson of the Family Law Section of the
State Bar of Michigan, I have been interviewed regarding my opinion
on proposed legislation within the State of Michigan, to do away
with the "no fault" system. My response is that
although I wish we can make everything alright by passing laws to
protect the sanctity of marriage and family, I realize that it just
is not possible. Proponents of the divorce
reform packages being introduced throughout the United States must
realize that the answer to these problems cannot be found by
punishing adults and children who find themselves in a dysfunctional
and bad marriage. The reality of abuse,
distrust, betrayals, etc., is unfortunately a human reaction within
the human condition. We must assist people in
helping them deal with these problems, not punish them and their
children when they occur.
It is true that some statistics will show that children of
divorce have a higher rate of delinquency, drug use, and emotional
disfunction. However, there are no statistics to
tell us whether or not those same children, and possibly even more,
would suffer the same fate if they were forced to live in a home
where abuse, disfunction, emotional conflicts and cruelty exist
because their parents were precluded by law from getting a divorce.
